To understand yourself, I think it's important to note that change comes in stages. Once you understand that these stages are a natural part of any change, you can start to recognize your patterns, and allow yourself the freedom and resiliency to work through these changes, and getting stronger each time.
People are scared to make changes. And why wouldn't they be? We are weird to fear what we do not know. In our history, in our body, and in how we interact with the world, we are scared of what we do not know.
Also, we have wonderful imaginations. We can imagine the worst case scenario, the most humiliating losses, and the desperate cries for help when we fail.
However, we can also imagine the most beautiful art. We can build strong families and protect ourselves and our children. We can thrive.
The reason we are scared - is that the skills and habits we have right now serve a purpose in our lives. Learning a new way of doing something or challenging thoughts is uncomfortable because it claws at our carefully constructed value system.
It hurts our feelings when people are better than us. We throw out words like - that person is so fake, rude, presumptuous, into themselves, dull, hyper... and these words protect us, because something that person's doing is challenging some of our values. This feels uncomfortable, and so we attack.
Could you imagine a life where instead of using our emotions as weapons, we didn't? It's an uncomfortable idea.
Prochaska and DiClemente's Stages of Change Model (1986)
Stage of Change: Pre Contemplation
- You are not currently thinking about a change.
- Ignorance is bliss.
This is when we don't consider something like how are environment, our relationships, or our lifestyle might be making us suffer. Maybe, we are not even aware that there is another solution (not to suffer).
You hear things like, "it's always going to be like this," or "my parents worked hard for their money, so I have to work hard too".
"That's just the way it is."
What if, it wasn't? What if you could learn strategies and skills to sustain your values, but use your energy in a different way?
What if you could stop your own suffering?
It's ok if you're not ready. That doesn't make you a bad person. You have other priorities, and that's understandable.
Your decision is yours to make. You have the power to start or stop at anytime.
It might make you feel uncomfortable to reevaluate your behaviour, however, people have learned skills and strategies through life coaching and other supports and live lives of wealth and wellness.
I would encourage you to use some of the resources posted on this website (and others) for self-exploration, knowing that taking action is your call.
In the end, starting anything new is scary. People feel overwhelmed at the idea of running, for example, because they automatically think of people who are experienced runners and running marathons.
People think - I have no time for running marathons.
People think - I have no time for running marathons, in fact, marathon runners are super fit people who have all this time on their hands. I don't have that kind of time. How dare they? I have to work hard and struggle and they can just run for hours.
It's hard to face the sadness in the above statement: I want to have free time to pursue interests. I want to have passion. I want to do my own thing.
I think - just the fact that our brain goes right to the expert when we think of starting something new (ie. marathon runners) shows our capacity for hope and ability to dream and recognize strengths in others.
So, even the envious, egotistical sides of us actually help us. We can learn skills to challenge our negative thoughts and practice retraining and programming our brains.